My concert spreadsheet

I am and at least I know this, a sad, stat-loving, spreadsheet aficionado, anally retentive, obsessive weirdo.

I know this because for the last few years I have kept track of all the live bands I’ve seen, be it at a gig or festival and stored them all, complete with 10/10 scores, dates seen, venues visited all in a big colourful Excel spreadsheet. It really is a work of art that I’m very proud of and would feel quite lost without. In one tab, the spreadsheet lists bands seen at gigs, including support acts. Each have been given a score out of 10 and some even have comments attached to remind me of certain events (like when I missed half of the Mars Volta’s set in Birmingham a few years back because for some reason they started at 8pm but still managed to impress enough in the short slot to score an 8/10). This first tab also tracks all my festival visits, naturally with scores out of 10 for every act seen. It counts bands seen, distinct bands seen, venues visited and how many times for each. The second tab lists these concerts in order of greatness whilst the third lists the counts of bands which I have seen more than once.

I can imagine you reading this now, reeling slightly away from the writing as if my OCD will creep through and infect you and yes you may mock my affliction but answer me this – how many bands have you seen live? You don’t know do you? I’ve seen 402 different live acts – I know this for a fact. How many venues have you been to? 27 for me. Festivals? 18. Best festival act witnessed? Arcade Fire, Leeds 2005. It’s all in here. How many bands have you seen more than once? You simply don’t know do you? I’ve seen 97 bands more than once and seven bands five times or more. What’s the 93rd best ever gig that you’ve been to? Mogwai at the Wulfren in Wolverhampton for me. Who are the worst support act you’ve ever seen? Without doubt, it’s The Scarlet Harlots (2/10).

I realise that many of you are shaking your head and quite possibly laughing at how silly this all is. But ask yourself this: Is it better to know these things or to wonder if you know them? Is it better to remember seeing an up and coming band in a tiny venue before they got massive or to try and remember the name of that band you saw two months ago that sounded promising? Exactly. Who’s laughing now eh? Who’s laughing now, like a crazed loon, eyes bulging wildly? Ok, that’s actually me but you get the point.